Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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