I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
