Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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