my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
