i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
