it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
