Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Im just a social blackout drinker.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
