i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
