When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
