Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
