I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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