Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
