I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night