We named our party play list daddy issues
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
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I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.