just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?