At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.