I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
People in love make me want to vomit
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"