I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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