you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
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you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
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High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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