just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize