yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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