I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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