Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
