You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Two words: nipple clamps
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