I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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