Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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