Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Houston, we have a squirter
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
