I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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