That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
