apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
