Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
