I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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