i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
