my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
