the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
