Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he fucked my hip out of place.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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