i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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