Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
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Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
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I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize