We're like a lot better than the average bears
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm just crazy horny about you
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
