it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
