After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
