After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
