i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just googled if crying burns calories
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So much rum. So many feels.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
