I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We got so high we made milksteak
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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