i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
