there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
