whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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