he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
