She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
