The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
