if only i could text you this smell
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize