The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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