so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
