I think i peed on brittanys purse
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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