just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
