I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We have started to decorate penises.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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