I'm sorry my penis didn't work
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
