omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
