Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
