Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
