I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
