You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
