I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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