I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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