My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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