I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I did not marry a roomba.
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