If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
