My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
