MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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