Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
