He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm both gender and math confused
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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