I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize
