someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
