I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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